A Writer's Life

Hell of a Good Book

For book lovers, the pleasure and discovery of browsing through a bookstore's shelves can never be replaced or replicated by visiting an online site.

A couple of months ago, I was browsing through an independent bookstore in Mendocino, California and happened upon HELL AT THE BREECH by Tom Franklin, which was published in 2003 and yet was still stocked on the shelves as a new title. Imagine a chain bookstore holding on to a title that long. I doubt I ever would have discovered the book otherwise.

I finally got around to reading HELL AT THE BREECH in two long, blissful sittings this week, finishing it at 2:30 this morning, invigorated and wishing the book wasn't finished. The experience was like re-uniting with an old lover. The pleasure of reading this fine novel brought back memories of all the hours I'd spent reading good books in my life....huddled in my sleeping bag in a cabin at Loon Lake, sitting on the boardwalk in Capitola, sunbathing on a chaise lounge at my grandfather's place in Palm Springs, lying in the bathtub with my head propped on a wet towel, laying in a hammock with my baby daughter asleep on my chest etc.... and all the associations that came with them, like the smell of suntan lotion, the fresh-caught trout in Nana's smoker, the soap bubbles in the bathtub, the baby lotion on my daughter's skin. A good book can do a lot more than simply entertain and pass the time.

HELL AT THE BREECH is one of those books. It's a wonderfully entertaining book, the best western I've read since LONESOME DOVE, though far be it from any of the critics who raved about it....and there were many...to concede it's a western. The closest anyone came was to refer to it as "historical fiction."

The book is full of vividly drawn, complex characters...violence, humor, and powerful imagery.  There are many moving scenes and darkly funny moments...and many masterful descriptions of people, places, expressions and emotions.  I often found myself re-reading passages just to experience the beautifully-evoked images and moment again...and to marvel at Franklin's prose, wishing I had his talent. It's a book that will make you eager to read another book to recapture that pleasure...and, if you are like me, it will inspire you to write.

The Mail I Get

Here's an example of how NOT to promote your book. I got this email today (I've removed the name of the book to spare the author justified embarrassment):

Dear Lee,

 

First I want to thank you for the opportunity of my book, The XYZ, being reviewed by you. I would be happy to send a copy of my book via UPS. Please forward a physical address where I may send it.

 

My website for the “The XYZ” is www.XYZ.com.

 

I look forward to both your thoughts and review.

 

If you have any questions or further information that you require, please contact me.

Does he really think that anyone would ask for a copy of his book after reading this email? The way he has awkwardly worded this email, it appears as if I have agreed to read his book when, in fact, I have never heard of him.  With writing and promoting skills like his ("thank you for the opportunity of my book"), it's no wonder that he's "published" by Authorhouse, the notorious vanity press... 

For pointers, he should read this    and this.

Sub-Prime Suspect

I finally caught up with the final episode of PRIME SUSPECT. Helen Mirren's performance was exceptional, as always...even more so when you consider what little she had to work with.  The mystery was ineptly constructed, the solution glaringly obvious within the first five minutes of the three-hour, outrageously padded, cliche-ridden bore. PRIME SUSPECT 7: THE FINAL ACT was far from a triumphant end to the once-great series.

Next up for me -- the return of CRACKER in what was also touted as his final case.

My Weekend Reading

I took a little literary vacation last week, taking a breather from my own writing to read the work of others. I read John Hart's DOWN RIVER (which won the Edgar for Best Novel) and Michael Chabon's YIDDISH POLICEMAN'S UNION (which was nominated for the Edgar).

DOWN RIVER was a fine book, and I enjoyed it, but I didn't find the twists all that surprising and cringed every time the hero, Adam Chase, asked someone to "cut to the chase," which was way too often. Even so, it was an interesting and entertaining read...it felt like a literary take on a typical Gold Medal paperback story.

THE YIDDISH POLICEMAN'S UNION was wonderful, wildly inventive, and a pure pleasure to read. It's a police procedural set in an alternate reality in which the atomic bomb was dropped on Berlin, Marilyn Monroe married JFK, and tens of thousands of Jews settled in Alaska while pining for a homeland of their own in Israel.  The story is about a troubled homicide detective (naturally) whose investigation into the murder of a junkie peels back the complex layers of society among the refugee Jews of Sitka. Chabon does an amazing job making his alternative history believable and creating a fully realized world without showing the strain. It's the most refreshingly original, funny, and compelling mystery I have read in years. I loved every page of it and was sorry when it ended.

Old is New Again

Variety reports that ABC has picked up David E. Kelley's American version of the hit BBC series LIFE ON MARS...only without David E. Kelley.

As for "Life on Mars," late Sunday a deal for the show hadn't yet been confirmed -- but now that "Boston Legal" has been given a primetime reprieve, it's believed a "Mars" pickup is close behind. That's because "Legal" creator David E. Kelley also owned the rights to the U.S. adaptation of "Mars." Kelley was looking to depart the project, while ABC was looking to continue it sans Kelley.

Hence, a weekend-long dance that finally appeared resolved by Sunday. "Legal" was back for a fifth season, while "Mars" is expected to continue as a 20th Century Fox TV/ABC Studios co-production. "October Road" exec producers Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec and Scott Rosenberg are in line to take over as showrunners.

Nikki Finke pretty much says the same thing on her blog, adding that BOSTON LEGAL is probably going to recast its supporting players yet again. Meanwhile, she reports that the CW has picked up the BEVERLY HILLS 90210 revival...and that Tori Spelling may be joining the cast.

Indiana Attorney General Prosecutes Airleaf

The Airleaf Victims blog reports the terrific news that Indiana Attorney General Steve Carter has filed a lawsuit against Carl Lau, founder of Airleaf and Bookman Marketing, for violating the state's Deceptive Consumer Sales Act by "taking money without providing the promised services in return."

"More than 120 people are named in the lawsuit, including many from Indiana who lost thousands of dollars,” said Carter. “In fact, hundreds more may have lost money. They paid for services. Airleaf did not deliver, and now, those consumers deserve refunds.”

[...]In addition to consumer restitution, the attorney general’s office is seeking civil penalties of up to $5,500 per violation, as well as investigative costs.

The action doesn't go nearly as far as the Airleaf victims would like -- or Lau deserves -- but hopefully it will send a strong message to the vanity press industry, especially those ex-Airleaf execs who have started their own POD-presses.  Writers Beware notes:

Airleaf has spawned several publishing enterprises run by ex-staff--including Fideli Publishing, a fee-based publisher whose marketing packages bear an eerie similarity to Airleaf's, and Brien Jones's Jones Harvest Publishing, which also charges fees for publishing and offers many Airleaf-style services (Writer Beware has gotten some advisories about Jones Harvest's email solicitations, and Mr. Jones has recently chosen to reimburse several Jones Harvest authors who alleged performance problems). If you trace the family tree backward instead of forward, you arrive at the Big Daddy of POD vanity publishing, AuthorHouse, where Brien Jones was employed before he co-founded Airleaf's predecessor, Bookman Marketing. It's a tangled web indeed--which, sadly, is not unusual in the murky world of vanity POD.

Unfortunately, many Airleaf victims haven't learned from their mistake...and have simply moved on to other POD vanity presses, including those run by former Airleaf execs.

The Mail I Get, The Sequel

I got an email the other day from a writer who had come up with a MONK scene he wanted me to read to see if either I, or the producers, would use it in a book or episode. The scene was attached to the email. I deleted the message without reading the scene (for obvious legal reasons). I sent him a note telling him that was what I had done. I also told him that there really isn't a market for individual scenes. He replied:

If it helps at all, I didn't write it with the thought of fiscal renumeration. Would it make any difference to consider it as a friendly collaboration among writers? You can have it. Tweak it, rip it up and start over, whatever. Frankly, with my career just getting off the ground (Some short fiction published, and I have a novel being reviewed by an imprint of Simon & Schuster), even giving this away is beneficial to building my 'name.'

It makes me cringe when aspiring writers think someone is going to be impressed that they sent their manuscript in to a publisher and are waiting to hear from them(ie "under review at Simon & Schuster"). But I let that go and didn't mention it when I replied:

No offense intended, but I have no interest in seeing the scene or any other MONK material you may come up with. And if I may give you some advice, sending unsolicited scenes to authors and producers you don't know is unprofessional and is actually harmful to your reputation.  The best way to build your name is by writing good stories and getting them published or produced...not sending "scenes" to other writers and hoping they will incorporate them into their own work.

 

The Mail I Get

I got this email the other day:

Have you ever heard of "Writers Book Publishing Agency"? That's the name. Seemed a bit generic to me, so I am suspicious. Their web page indicates that they are a reletively new lit agency, and are seeking authors. Having tried to obtain an agent for a year now, they sound too good to bet true. Their client list went like this: Joe, who is an electronic engineer wrote his first book.....etc....etc.  Mary, a housewife, is working on her second novel in which she.....etc.....etc. I know the authors need their privacy - but.......does this not sound suspicious to you?

Of course it does. And it should sound suspicious to anyone with an iota of common sense.

They are a well-known scam that has also gone by the the names "Children's Literary Agency," "The Literary Agency Group, Inc" and "ST Literary Agency," among others. Your first tip-off that they aren't legit should be their name:  "Writers Book Publishing Agency." What reputable agency would call themselves that? Agents aren't book publishers.

If the name of the company wasn't tip-off enough, you'll notice they don't list a single author among their clients, only plumbers, housewives and, well, other suckers.

Writer's Beware lists the "agency" among their top twenty worst agents. You can find out more about them here:

http://www.invirtuo.cc/prededitors/warnlag04.htm

How good does your writing have to be to interest the Children's Literary Agency?

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8286

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8312

http://cs.writermag.com/forums/67920/ShowPost.aspx

http://www.underdown.org/researching-agents.htm

                   

The Power of Frak

Glen A. Larson is a genius. I'm not saying that because he created KNIGHTRIDER, FALL GUY, BJ AND THE BEAR, AUTOMAN, ALIAS SMITH & JONES and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. I'm saying it because he created  the wonderfully subversive word "frak"...and got away with it.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA should go down in TV history just for that.

While ground-breaking shows like HILL STREET BLUES were using words like "scuzbucket" and "hairball" to get around the network prohibitions on profanity, Glen gave us "frak" and "feldergarb." No one noticed, or seemed to care, that he gave us words that were clearly stand-ins for fuck and bullshit because it was buried in a goofy, sci-fi show. But now frak has fulfilled all it's awesome, subversive power in the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

There is no doubt whatsoever that "frak" is "fuck." And the writers on the show use it exactly as they would use fuck. Frak this. Frak us. What the frak is going on? Unfrakingbelievable. Frak me...frak me now. Motherfracker.

Used like this, is frak any less powerful that fuck? No. Which is the beauty of it. Every time it's used, it shines a big fucking light on the absurdity of censorship. Because frak IS fuck, and everybody knows it. So what's difference does it really make whether you use either frak or fuck? None. It's a big fuck you to network censors, the FCC, and the idiots who are afraid of language.

And Glen A. Larson, the man behind THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO, gave us this. Pretty fraking amazing. He should get an Emmy just for that.

Monk Galley Giveaway

I have two extra, bound galleys for MR. MONK GOES TO GERMANY which I will be giving away at random.

Here's the deal...post a review of your favorite MONK novel on Amazon and send me a copy of it by June 1st at:  lee AT Leegoldberg DOT com.

I will put the names into a hat and select two winners at random to receive a signed galley. Please be sure to include your snail mail address in the email. Winners will be announced here.

Scribe Awards and How You Can Enter

The Fourth Annual Scribe Awards are now open for submissions. The Scribes, presented by the International Association of Media Tie-In Writers (www.iamtw.org), honors excellence in licensed tie-in writing—novels based on TV shows, movies, and games. Here are the submissions guidelines:

The Scribe Awards and How You Can Enter

The IAMTW will present SIX AWARDS in THREE CATEGORIES for books (& comic books and graphic novels) published in 2008. We will also honor one "Grandmaster" for career achievement in the field.


SPECULATIVE FICTION (Science Fiction, Fantasy, Supernatural Horror)

BEST NOVEL (original) - A licensed, original novel using pre-existing characters or worlds from a movie, television series, computer game, play, or an existing series of novels (i.e., new novels extending a literary franchise, i.e., DUNE, James Bond, etc.)

BEST ADAPTATION - A licensed novelization based on an existing screenplay, whether a feature film, episodic teleplay, computer game, script, or play.


GENERAL FICTION (Mysteries, Thrillers, Westerns, Suspense, Historicals, Psychological Horror, Romances)

BEST NOVEL (original) - A licensed, original novel using pre-existing characters or worlds from a movie, television series, computer game, play, or an existing series of novels (i.e., new novels extending a literary franchise, i.e. DUNE, James Bond, etc.)

BEST NOVEL (adapted) A licensed novelization based on an existing screenplay, whether a feature film, episodic teleplay, computer game, script, or play.


YOUNG ADULT (All Genres)

BEST ADAPTATION (defined as above)

BEST NOVEL (original) (defined as above)



GRANDMASTER (For Career Achievement)

The Fine Print Regarding The Categories…

 

For a category to go forward, three submissions leading to at least two nominations must pertain. In the case of a category falling short of submissions and/or nominations, entries will be transferred to the nearest appropriate category -- for example, BEST GENERAL (Adapted) category would go into an overall BEST NOVEL (Adapted) category that would include both Speculative and General submissions. 

In the case of BEST ADAPTED (YA) or BEST ORIGINAL (YA), should submissions fall short of the minimal two nominations requirement, entries would shift into either BEST SPECULATIVE (Adapted) or BEST GENERAL (Adapted), depending upon the genre.

In the event a combining of categories becomes necessary in a given year (i.e., BEST NOVEL Adapted) the judging committee is authorized (but not required) to give more than one Scribe, reflecting the combined categories, if the committee members feel such recognition is warranted.

Horror entries have been divided into "Supernatural Horror" under SPECULATIVE and "Psychological Horror" under GENERAL. This is a judgment call the authors and then committee chairs must make, depending upon whether a submitted horror novel is more grounded in reality than the fantastic. Should a committee chair reject a title on this basis, the chair will forward all copies of the submitted book to the appropriate committee chair, and inform the author of the decision.

Should the author already have submitted another title to the other committee, the author will be given the opportunity to choose which of the two titles he or she wishes to have considered (since we have a one-book-per-category submission limitation).

The future of the Special Game-Related Scribes will be decided after this year's Gen-Con. If we decide to continue this award, game-related submissions in the Speculative Original and Adapted Categories will be simultaneously considered by those category judges for the "Best Game-Related" Scribes. A gaming-related book submitted in those categories is simultaneously eligible for both the "regular" and "game-related" Scribe Award.

How The Scribes Are Judged

The judging committees are made up of three of your peers from within the organization, writers who know the unique obstacles and restrictions that tie-in writers face, because they are tie-in writers themselves. The judges will read all the submissions in their category and select both the nominees and the winners (a system patterned after the Mystery Writers of America, International Thriller Writers, and the Private Eye Writers of America, among others).

Rules for Submission

• Authors can submit multiple titles, but only ONE BOOK PER CATEGORY/ONE CATEGORY PER      BOOK (i.e. you can't submit the same book in two different categories or multiple titles in one category. Authors who've done several books in any one category need to pick the one title that seems strongest and submit only that).
• Only authors can  submit their books for consideration but we encourage you to have your      editors/publishers send the actual books on your behalf so you don't have to raid your author's copies or pay the postage.
• Judges can submit their work, but obviously not in the categories they are judging.
• The book must be a licensed work published for the first time between Jan 1, 2008 and Dec. 31, 2008. Only books with a copyright date of 2008 will be eligible for consideration. Though novels published through December 31, 2008, are eligible, entrants are required to get copies of eligible work into the hands of the category judges no later than December 1st, to allow adequate time to review the titles. Galleys are acceptable.
• All entrants MUST include a cover letter with each book. The cover letter must include      the following information: the Category you are entering, Title of the      Book, Name of the Author, Publication Date, Editor & Publisher, and      email & "snailmail" addresses and phone numbers for the  author and editor.
• A copy of all submissions—the book and cover letter—should be sent to each judge in the category you are  entering and to the IAMTW. Please send an email to tieinwriters@yahoo.com for the list of  judges and their mailing addresses. IAMTW members can find the list in the MEMBERS  ONLY section of the IAMTW site.
• Submission is free for any IAMTW member. Non-members must pay a $10 fee for each submission to cover our costs (payable via Paypal or by check to IAMTW, PO  Box 8212, Calabasas, CA 91372).
• A list of all  the books submitted will be posted on the IAMTW site and updated regularly. The      nominees will be announced, to entrants and the media, in March 2009. The Scribes  will be awarded in July 2009 at a location and date TBD.

TV Main Title of the Week Special Edition

Apparently, I've already posted the main title I featured yesterday...so here's another to make up for the flub.

TV Main Title of the Week

The Sandwich

The towncar driver who picked me up at the Grand Hyatt in Manhattan yesterday asked me if I'd like a Chinese sandwich before heading out to the airport.
"No thanks," I said. "I just had lunch."
"It's not food," he said. "It's the greatest experience of your life."
"What is it?"
"It's two naked Chinese women covered with soap bubbles who hug each other...with you in between. You can go as far as you want with them."
"No thanks," I said.
"Are you sure?" he said. "It's something you'll remember when you're old, sitting in your rocking chair, and it will bring a smile to your face."
"It's not my kind of thing," I said.
"Are you gay?"
"Married."
"So what?" he said. "She'll never know."
"I will," I said.
He grinned. "That's the point."
"I'm really not interested."
Actually, I was very interested. Not in experiencing the Sandwich for myself, but I wanted to know if he'd done it, how many of the men he drove around took him up on the offer, and how many of them got a sexually transmitted disease. But I couldn't bring myself to ask.
"You mean to tell me you've never played around?" The driver asked.
"Nope," I said.
"How long have you been married?"
"About twenty years," I said.
He stared at me in shock. "How do you do it?"
I shrugged.  "It doesn't take any effort at all."
"Because you don't like sex?"
"Because I love my wife," I said.
He shook his head. "That's really sad. You only live once, you know."

The Edgars

One of the great things about the Edgars, besides meeting so many terrific authors, is all the free books you get when the ceremony is over. I just lugged up to my room two bulging bags of books to send back home. But you don't want to hear about that, you want to hear about the Awards...

Well, as Edgar chair, I've known who the winners are for a while now and I nearly bit off my tongue not leaking the news to Tana French and Susan Straight that they were winners when I met them at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books last weekend. Also Matt Nix, executive producer of BURN NOTICE, won as well...news that my brother Tod (who is writing the BURN NOTICE books) and my publisher Kristen Weber (who is publishing the BURN NOTICE books) would have loved to have known in advance. That's Tana and Matt in the photo to the left and the Southern California contingent of MWA in the photo to the right... Jim Warren, Naomi Hirahara, Leslie Klinger, Pat Smiley, Doug Lyle, Deborah  Atkinson and yours truly.

Al Roker was a funny host, and he even said "fuck" a few times, which is kind of weird to hear coming from him. As a number of people noted, he was like a thinner, blacker, Tod Goldberg.  I sat with my agent Gina Maccoby and my publisher, which is always nice, and I did a lot of schmoozing before the event, though I was too tired to hang out in the bar afterwards.

Galleycat's Ron Hogan has posted more pictures from the pre-Edgars reception here.

A complete list of winners follows after the jump.

Pre-Pre-Published

Today I went out to Summit, NJ to visit MONK creator/showrunner Andy Breckman and his staff. They aren't exactly keeping a low-profile in town, as proven by the picture on the left of their building (click on the picture for a larger image). On the train ride out there, I came up with the plot for MONK #8 which, much to my relief, Andy liked. We talked for an hour or two about the murders for the book and then I sat in to hear the beats for the 100th episode -- it's g0ing to be a great one.

I returned to Manhattan in time to attend the MWA's Agents & Editors party, where I ran into Mel Berger, who was my first agent ever, and chatted for a bit with a woman who loves me, which is always a thrill.

At the party, author Twist Phelan told me that she'd met a woman today who introduced herself as a "pre-pre-published author" and said she was attending the Crime Writing conference to meet an agent.

"What does 'pre-pre-published' mean?" Twist asked.

"I have an idea for a book but I haven't started writing it yet," she said.

"And that's how you plan to introduce yourself to agents?"

"Yes," the woman said.

Twist said don't, and went on to tell her just how stupid calling herself  "pre-pre-published" was. That was definitely a new one on me.